From Ruin to Recovery – Part Four

Part One | Part Two | Part Three Part Four

Part Four

By: Jean Johnson for Body1

Once Alice Clark realized that she really did have an eating disorder as severe and harmful as alcoholism, and that there was a place she could go for help, she took action.

“I looked in the phone book and went to my first Overeaters Anonymous meeting. It was in the fall right before Thanksgiving, because I got all the books that they recommend for newcomers, and when my husband’s family came to visit I got every book and taped them into a box so nobody would see,” said Clark. “And I lied to my husband about it for the first three months. I said I was going to an Al-Anon meeting for family members of alcoholics. I was sure he would think I was disgusting and leave me if he knew about the bulimia. We’d been together probably over 10 years by then, so I had been lying to him that whole time. I also lied by withholding love and sex because I always need to do my fix.”

Staying Healthy

Treating people with bulimia can their health as well as help emotionally since bulimia causes: Chronic loss of bodily fluids: depletes blood potassium, sodium and chloride levels, resulting in muscle spasms, weakness, irregular heartbeat and kidney disease. Gastrointestinal problems: irritation of esophagus, stomach, salivary glands and throat from persistent vomiting. Bulimics may even tear their esophagus. Damaged or discolored teeth: gastric acids erode tooth enamel. Lung irritation: choking while vomiting causes food particles to lodge in lungs, causing inflammation. The most serious physical consequence of bulimia is electrolyte problems – the loss of potassium and other minerals – that can lead to heart difficulties and even death. To seek treatment for bulimia, talk to a counselor or a therapist. Or, find an OA meeting near you by visiting www.oa.org

Clark opened the door to her first meeting with clear trepidation. “But it was just like they say in OA: ‘you know you’re home.’

“I just hung my head and cried the whole time I was there because I was so relieved that there was this place I belonged,” she said. “I remember the people at the meeting being really honest. It was just a relief knowing I wasn’t alone – and you really do think you’re the only one doing all this stuff. Also I couldn’t believe the things people were sharing out loud. It was just amazing to me.”

Overeaters Anonymous recommends that members find someone in the program who has qualities they want and ask them to sponsor them – help them work the 12 steps and use the tools of the program. “I first wanted to do it by myself – and not go back to the meetings. But I got a call by another OAer a few days after. She was just reaching out to see if I had any questions. I couldn’t believe that anyone who didn’t know me would care enough to call me on the phone. I just hated myself so much and thought I was total scum,” Clark said. “But that call got me back to the meetings, even though I didn’t really understand what was going on at first and didn’t ask anyone to sponsor me for six months.”

Abstinence, or freedom from compulsive eating, is what members of OA try to practice. Each member defines their own abstinence, usually with the help of a sponsor. “My abstinence was to not purge initially, and I started right out from the first meeting by working with another OA woman. This person just said to call her whenever I felt any feeling at all, which I did. Anger was just purging out of me. I’d call her and tell her how seething I was, and she’d have me do anything – sit on my hands, run cold water over them – anything to not go eat over it.

“After I did that for awhile I started getting the idea that I could have a feeling and not have to act on it. I’d call this person in a rage, and in a few minutes it’d be gone. And I always thought a feeling would last forever.”

Learn More

Facts about bulimia Bulimia rarely works well for weight loss. “The psychological torment of bulimia can include preoccupation with eating and body image, often to the exclusion of anything else,” according to Kelly Brownell, Ph.D. Approximately 80 percent of bulimia nervosa patients are female.

Things went well for Clark all through December, and into January and February, but when her mother came to visit in March, the newly-abstinent Clark stumbled. “We went out to dinner, and I right in the middle of the meal I went in the bathroom and purged.” Clark raises her brows, and she shrugs. “So I had to start over again, and I did. I haven’t had to purge again in all those years since.”

What happened? What magic is there in OA that enabled Clark to leave bulimia behind after 20 years of torment in the disease?

“For one thing, probably the best thing I felt at the meetings was real acceptance. People really understood what I was going through, and they didn’t seem to look down on me and run away from me when I told all these horrible secrets. They say that’s what keeps you locked in the disease – your secrets. It takes a lot of energy being deceptive. Like all those years I hid the disease from my husband that I am not proud of.”

Also, Clark says she eventually she started working the steps with a sponsor. “I may not have purged, but I still binged, so I really needed to do the step work.

Continued in Part Five

Last updated: 24-Apr-06