Don’t Fall Victim to Holiday Depression

By: Jean Johnson for Body1

“I love Christmas, but my cousin won’t be here this year and she’s all the family I have left,” said Jenny Mosley of Austin, Texas. “Right now I’m doing all right with the classical music on my public radio station and the cookies, but on Christmas Day I know it will be lonely and I’m not quite sure how to approach it.”

Mosley says that she does have an invitation for Christmas dinner, so she will be making merry somewhat. Stand-up comic and author of “Self-Helpless” and “The Pop-Up Book Of Phobias”, Gary Greenberg, though, thinks Mosley may have more going for her than she might realize.

Don’t Fib, Watch the Sweets (and Your Cousin’s Teeth) and Skip the Resolutions

Holiday gatherings with family members are great, writes Greenberg, if one approaches them properly prepared. “Before you start up a conversation, make a mental list of topics to avoid. If you're feeling at all blue, you'll probably want to rule out discussion on: Your career, personal life, health, religion, politics; the past, the future and, most often, the present. Topics that are almost always safe: The weather, sports and gardening. And don't lie about your career. Mom knows you're not an astronaut.”

Take Action

Recognize the signs of holiday depression: Irritability and having a shorter temper than usual Difficulty sleeping or sleeping much more than you normally do Losing interest in activities that are normally enjoyable

Whether with family sticking safely to gardening conversation or with friends as Mosley will be, Greenberg suggests that both watching what you eat and making a point to stay in the moment and let the serenity of the season surround you is a surefire hit. “Don't load up on fats and sweets,” writes Greenberg. “There's nothing worse than being bloated and wired at the same time. If you eat sensibly, you'll be in a better frame of mind. But if you insist on overdoing it, get a pair of those pants with the elastic waistband – at the very least, you'll avoid the mid-meal unbuttoning, which is always a humiliating experience.” More, Greenberg notes, “Relax. Take a deep breath. Take time out to rejoice at the little things: The smell of bread baking, the sound of fire crackling, the sight of a little piece of broccoli wedged between your stuck-up cousin's teeth.”

Finally, the comic has a tip on the New Year. “Don't make resolutions now. There's too much pressure this time of year. Wait until you're in a better frame of mind, like in February, which is the Chinese New Year. And if you happen to be Chinese, you should wait until the Jewish New Year, which is in September.”

Expectations

Psychiatrist at Columbia St. Mary’s in southeastern Wisconsin, Kenneth Johnson, M.D., also has some suggestions for a manageable holiday season. “It’s multifactorial. Wintertime in general is a little bit harder for people, but I think the bigger cause of holiday depression is unmet expectations,” Johnson said. The psychiatrist’s solution is to “decide for yourself what the holiday means for you, and how you’re going to make it a good holiday.”

Also, as Greenberg alluded to, Johnson noted that “there’s nothing magical about the holidays. If you don’t get along with your sister during the year, you’re not going to get along with her during the holidays.” As far as sisters and brothers go, those with mental instability and diagnosed illness will certainly get along better if they maintain medication regimes, therapy, and any other regularly scheduled appointments with their mental healthcare team. More, in cases where divorce has divided a family, experts advise planning ahead on how time will be divided to avoid last minute anxiety.

Planning ahead also can help families that have recently lost loved ones. Instead of trying to carry on as usual at home, those who find a place in the sun for themselves will often be the happier for it. “The year Dick died so unexpectedly, the girls and I spent Christmas in Hawaii,” said Deb Story of LaGrande, Oregon. “That’s what everyone told me to do, and I think it helped quite a bit. We were so very fragile that year.”

Workload and Spending

Take Action

Steps to ease tense holiday moments: Take a deep breath and hold for three counts. Exhale all the way down, letting the head and shoulders slump. Rock the head back and forth gently, blink, and smile. Life’s short.

Kenneth Johnson makes two final points, the first being that we need to remember that these days most women aren’t full-time homemakers like they were historically. “A lot of women who work now were raised by women who stayed at home, and although they’re working, they’re still trying to produce this old-fashioned Christmas, which is an enormous amount of work,” said Johnson. “If you are woman who can’t crank out cookies like your grandmother did, you’re not a bad person. If you’re a dad who has a business and can’t devote as much time as you’d like to your family, you’re not a bad person.”

And on the issue of spending money for presents, Johnson points out that in the 1800s gift giving was kept tightly under wraps. “One gift you can give yourself,” said Johnson, “is the realization that you don’t have to live up to the lofty ideals portrayed by television specials and ads depicting the idealized vision of the season.”

Indeed, Johnson takes a personal stand on the issue and largely buys presents only for children. “I do not enjoy giving gifts to adults at Christmas other than my spouse, parents, and close family members.”

That should about cover it, we suppose, other than when all else fails, remember to wear those loose, stretchy pants and watch for the broccoli.

Last updated: 06-Dec-05