By: Diana Barnes-Brown for Body1
Andy Williams called the winter holidays “Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” in his oft-played carol, and for some, they certainly are. But others look towards the holidays with anxiety, or begin to feel depressed as the season draws close.
Some people experience extra stress, depression, unhealthy changes in behavior, and other mental health disturbances during the holiday season, frequently citing social and financial pressures, as well as the frenetic pace of a life suddenly filled visits, gatherings, shopping, and correspondence as potential causes. Fatigue, high or unrealistic expectations, and over-commercialization can contribute to these feelings. “Post holiday letdown,” another common problem for some, often occurs when people look back on disappointments of the past year while already drained from holiday activities and responsibilities. Negative behaviors such as over- or under-eating, heavier-than-usual drinking, use of other controlled substances, and the presence of other friends or family members suffering through similar problems can compound preexisting negative feelings or behaviors and make the cycle hard to escape.
Fortunately, there are steps and strategies to diffusing the mental health fallout that can occur during the holiday season. One of the best ways to cope is to be aware of how the extra stress and emotional pressures may effect your inner world and outward behavior, and take steps to address problems in a healthy and optimistic way before they gain power over you. Mental health experts advocate taking one or more of the following steps to help reduce the chances of falling victim to the “holiday blues”:
• Have realistic expectations, set realistic goals. The holidays can be a happy, loving time, filled with celebrations and surprises, but it is important to make sure that your expectations for events, activities, and people, as well the goals you set in planning your own celebrations, are not unrealistic. Psychologists note that disappointments and failures (even when the result of unrealistic expectations and goals) hurt, and the best way to avoid such feelings is by evaluating what is possible – and what is impossible – with a clear head and an eye toward understanding the difference between ideal outcomes and unattainable perfection.
• It’s okay to say “no” when your schedule is full. Although many people feel pressure to participate in every social activity to which they have been invited, sometimes this just isn’t a realistic possibility. If over-commitment threatens your sense of calm and wellbeing, step back and ask yourself, “Is this something I really have to do?” and if not, think of a way to politely excuse yourself from participating.
• It’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Since the holidays are a busy time for most people, it is common to forget things, have scheduling conflicts, and find out you have less time than you thought. If this happens to you, ask a friend, family member, or coworker to help you share the burden, and offer to do the same for that person when you have a less frantic day. You’ll feel cared about, and you’ll have another chance to feel good about yourself when you return the favor.
• Seek good company and make new friends. The holidays are a perfect time to celebrate the company of friends, family, and other people who are important to you. If you start to feel alone amid the bustle, call up some people you care about, or make plans with a new acquaintance you’d like to get to know better. Keep in mind that you don’t have to plan a fancy dinner party or a giant event to enjoy the company of your loved ones. Instead, think about having an evening of coffee and cookies, a laid-back tree-trimming, or even a get-together where you and others snack and talk while wrapping gifts or signing and addressing holiday cards together. Everyone will be glad of the company, and you might even chip away at your to-do list in the process.
• Limit substance use. Excess drinking and pressure to “celebrate” using controlled substances is often a part of the holiday season. Have fun, but exercise moderation, and be aware that increased use of alcohol and other drugs contributes to depression and anxiety and can cause serious health problems.
• Not all holiday activities are expensive. If you’re worried about holiday spending, don’t just assume that going into the red is inevitable. Going to town-sponsored holiday fairs, viewing holiday decorations and lights in your area, and group-hosted activities where everyone contributes what they can are free or low-cost alternatives to the consumerism of the season.
• Don’t “put all your eggs in one basket.” If you invest all your energy in just one event or day, chances are you’ll finish up with the event feeling exhausted and like there’s no more excitement to look forward to. Instead, pace yourself, and make sure that you spread the holiday cheer throughout the season. You’ll get to celebrate longer, and with less of a letdown when it’s time to get back to life as usual.
• Volunteer. Volunteering is a great way to help those less fortunate have a safe, healthy, and enjoyable holiday season, as well as a great way to meet other good-hearted people. Also, volunteer activity can help to increase self-esteem and feelings of connectedness to the people around you.
• Look to the future instead of dwelling on missed opportunities or “the good old days.” While we all have moments of regret or nostalgia, dwelling on these things isn’t healthy. Admit your mistakes, resolve to do better next time, and think about the good days to come, instead of the good days in the past.
• Make sure you make time to be alone. While it’s tempting to participate in everything that’s going on around you and see everyone you can, remember that spending at least a little alone-time each day is healthy and normal. You don’t have to be available to the people around you all the time, and taking time away from people you care about doesn’t mean that you care any less. Don’t be afraid to miss an occasional phone call, skip out on a long evening a little early, or curl up with a favorite book or movie instead of running to another party. You’ll return with renewed energy and a better mood.
Remember, not everything goes as planned during the holidays: parties can fall through, people are not always on their best behavior, and to-do lists sometimes seem endless. But those who are flexible, optimistic, and reserve time for taking care of themselves are less likely to see a few imperfections as serious setbacks, and better able to maintain good mental health while ensuring that their holidays are full of love and cheer.
